OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm really not having a good week at all.

it's full of crap that i don't want to do, family that i really don't want to be around for countless reasons, all sorts of thoughts sloshing around in my mind that i can't stop thinking about, and just life sucking right now.

again, today started off wonderfully. i got my FREE Jamba Juice this morning (got the pomegranate passion all fruit smoothie), got a seat on all the buses i took, got to class early, understood the material, and didn't have too much bus troubles. then i get home and it all goes down the crapper! i get called a retard for the way i word things, get called fat and "you need to lose weight" speech as always, and now i just feel all shitty again.

i tell my mom that i got a huge bruise and i need the "teet da" medicine and i get ignored. then i ask her again and i get yelled at. i say "i'm trying to ask you where it is and you don't help at all!" then she goes "Oh, well it where it always is ... unless you moved it." then i go look there and it isn't there and i get yelled at a little more. like "come on ... open your eyes then" kind of crap. and before i can go back and look for the stuff, she stops me and grabs my leg and says man your legs are huge and that i need to lose weight. then i finally find it and rub it in and it hurts like a mother freakin' bloop!

so they've made me cry three days in a row now. i mean not balling and crying hysterically, but some tears and runny nose and just making me feel really horrible. so Sunday i get scolded because my brother asks all these dumb questions and i try to explain it to him that he's wrong and then i get in trouble for bickering cause he doesn't stop. made me wish in stayed home cause then none of it would have happened. then Monday they put down my major again. and now today i try to get help with my bruise and i get called fat! i mean i know that i have chunky legs. i always have and most likely always will. and there not even fatty. they're actually sore for some reason in my thighs. and if you poke my legs they're hard but in the back has a little flab. and my calves are and always will be triangular. i have runner's legs, but i don't run (and don't like to for that matter.) and especially now, they're even more defined than ever. ugh ... i hate my legs.

i mean i know that i need to stop eating junk food and exercise. i want to, but it kinda hard when my whole house is full of it and that i don't really have the motivation to go to the gym. nor do i really have the time to go either. i have a crapload of stuff that's just piling up because i procrastinate so darn much nowadays.

man .... i just want to go outside and scream and then go sit somewhere other than in my home and draw and watch the ocean waves crash or something.

I REALLY NEED TO GET AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!